Brutally honest and innocently rude

Let me set the scene. Its lunch time. Im hungry, Joshua’s hungry, and anytime I cook anything in the oven Joshua goes into a meltdown because he knows he’ll have to wait anything more than 2 minutes.

Ham sandwiches’ll do.

Im in the kitchen, singing away to The Smiths – This Charming Man, when I hear my little cherub chatting away in the living room. ‘aw how cute’ I thought, ‘i’ll turn down the music and have a listen’ –

“But Its not fair I don’t even like butties. I don’t like ham and I hate lettuce. Im not eating it all. oh but then I won’t be able to have any treats, but I do like treats so I might eat a bit ok captain hook? just a bit. Then the treats will be mine *evil laugh* (I’m not being dramatic here, these are his actual words!!)

And that wasn’t all. As I returned to the living room, plates in hand, Joshua says “ooo thank you mum I’m so excited I love ham sandwiches specially with lettuce” and then proceeds to eat half before saying “can I have a treat now i’ve eaten lots”

HA HA NOT A CHANCE YOU DEVIOUS LITTLE SOD GET IT ATE. He refused. No treats were given.


But it got me thinking, kids are so adorable and so innocent but sometimes they come out with the funniest things – and they have no clue they’re doing so.

Joshua constantly says funny things like ‘I WANT A CHOCOLATE ARSE CREAM’ and “I DONT LIKE YOU, YOU STINK OF A MONKEYS BUM’ and thats all well and cute, but its the ‘adult phrases’ that they pick up and use against us that really makes me laugh.

As a parent, the first thing to come to mind is to say ‘don’t be cheeky’ but in reality, they’re not being cheeky at all they’re just doing what they thinks right and acting how they’ve been taught. For example, every tea time without fail Joshua will say ‘Daddy what do you say to mummy, say thank you for your lovely dinner”. And it isn’t cheeky at all in fact he’s remembered that he must use his manners and he’s reminding daddy to do the same. How adorable is that?

He’s also picked up on my new answer to questions after being asked for the 27th time so now he says “Mum why are we going to the shop, is it because you said so?” ha ha yes Joshua thats exactly why, 10 points to Gryffindor. And so every now and again ill say something like “Joshua come and clean up these books from allover the floor and he’ll say something like “Excuse me, wait a minute I’m busy!” HOW DO I RESPOND. WHAT DO I DO. FAIRY GODMOTHER I NEED YOUR HELP…

His usual ‘why does that person stink”, “why is that girls looking at me” and “look at that silly man dancing mum” as well as “whats his name” and “why is she wearing that silly hat”. All questions that they genuinely want to know the answer to and phrases they’ve picked up on and they have no idea how they might be perceived to other people.

Children are so innocently rude and brutally honesty.

Want to know if you look fat in your new dress? Don’t ask your boyfriend, ask your child! 






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